My Weekend with Dr. Maya Angelou
Two meals, many conversations and a lifetime of lessons
2009 Honoring Dr. Angleou in New York City
I love stories – hearing them, telling them, and sharing them. It wasn’t until I was in my 50s that I felt I had a few worth sharing – stories of what shaped me as a young man, an executive, and a human. I am a product of my life experiences, and the stories and knowledge others have shared with me have served as my Master’s degree PhD and helped me build a tool kit for life. I have learned so much through the generosity of others sharing, and that has shaped and made me who I am today. These stories were gifts given to me; therefore, they are not mine to keep. Intentional storytelling leads a reader to arrive at an inevitable conclusion, but sometimes, the intention is merely to share a story to see what comes up for the reader. This story is just that.
With more gray than I can count in my beard, I have grown to appreciate this sage quote from Dr. Maya Angelou:
“When you learn, teach. When you get, give.” M. Angelou.
In the spirit of living Dr. Angelou’s quote and in honor of one of the greatest humans I have encountered, Dr. Angelou herself, I share this.
In 2008, I moved to Chicago, leaving the world of full-time radio broadcasting for the first time. I started at Harpo as Executive Vice President. I oversaw Oprah & Friends Radio, among other ventures for the company. The hallmark show was with Oprah, and we called it Super Soul – this later became Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday on OWN and is now an award-winning podcast. One show from Oprah wasn’t enough for a full channel available 24 hours a day. We enlisted many other hosts from the extended Oprah universe: Nate Berkus and Dr. Laura Berman, for instance, but there was one host that rose to the top - Dr. Maya Angelou.
Oprah and Friends Radio exhibit displayed in June 2018 at the Smithsonian National Musem of African American History and Culture
Dr. Angelou is an American icon. There is no way my words can capture her significance to American culture and history, but many others have. What I can do is share how one weekend and two meals with her changed my perspective and my life.
Dr. Angelou’s radio show aired once a week, but it was repeated many times on the channel. She hosted her radio show from her house in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, surrounded by great producers such as Rita Whack & Corney Koehl. The show was short, but no matter where you were casually listening or even walking around the office halls when you heard her voice, it would stop you. You could not carry on with business; you had to stop and listen. Then and now, those shows are a treasure.
It was not uncommon, unreal as it may sound, for Dr. Angelou to call my office and want to have a conversation. One day in particular, my phone rang, and Dr. Angleou simply asked, “Mr. Logan, I’d like to hear your thoughts on my show.” Thank God I had just finished listening to the one that just aired. I was prompt with praise and had a few small notes, which paled compared to the substance of the show. There was another time I was not as prepared. Mr. Logan, I’d like to hear your thoughts on my show.” I had to confess I hadn’t yet had the opportunity to listen to her latest episode. “That’s unfortunate,” she said after a long pause, and the call ended. Safe to say, I never missed another show – I did not want to experience that feeling of her disappointment again.
My routine was set; the moment the show was mastered, I listened, took notes, and waited for her call. I never wanted to tempt fate by not listening to a show immediately, in fear of her call and me having to confess. Some weeks, the phone never rang. It might not ring for a month or so, but I never wavered from my routine. One day in particular, the phone rang, and I was prepared and ready. I started to dive into the show notes. But that was not her intent that day. Instead, she invited me to join her at her house in North Carolina. I was invited to stay with her, and “Come, dine, converse,” as she said. Within a few hours, I had booked a plane ticket and was on my way to North Carolina for the first time.
Overcoming my disbelief and a few hundred butterflies in my gut, I grabbed my bag from the Uber and walked to the porch. Before I could knock, her friend, Mr. Brown, opened the door and welcomed me as if it were a scene from a movie. Mr. Brown is a long-time friend of Dr. Angelou’s and a frequent guest at her house. He took my bag and told me to meet Dr. Angleou in her garden. It was a perfect sunny Saturday afternoon, with trees and flowers in full bloom. The garden behind the house was where the prior owners had a swimming pool; the pool had been filled with concrete, making a patio space for dining tables and awnings. Around the perimeter of the yard were many sculptures and statues, almost like stations of the cross you find in a church. We walked through the garden for two hours, stopping every three to four feet for a story. Two steps, another story. I had no notepad, phone, or recording device; I was just consumed by the moment and 100% present, lost in the stories. She spoke of this place on her show a few times, and as we walked through, I couldn't help but think, why am I here? Why is this happening?
Time stood still and flew by at the same time that afternoon. Story after story was told as we made our way through the garden. At one point, she stopped and looked at me, sensing a heaviness. She asked me what was bothering me and what was on my mind. I brushed it off, running from the truth, and chalked up my ‘off’ energy to travel and being tired, which was invalid, and she knew it. Avoiding that question was the last time I tried to hide something from her.
After a few hours, I was asked to retire to my quarters and prepare for dinner. Mr. Brown told me they would summon me when it was time to eat. I had no idea about attire; I had forgotten to ask. I brought a white dress shirt and sports coat, which now felt a bit over the top, so I chose the white shirt and jeans. I was in a guest room in the basement of Dr. Maya Angleou’s house, looking for an iron, but I was too terrified to ask for one. So, I did what we all do: turn on the shower as hot as possible and try to steam my shirt. Right when the mirror was fogging up, I heard a knock on the door from Mr. Brown: “Dr. Angelou has requested your presence.”
Walking to that dinner, up the stairs to the table, has to be one of my most nervous moments. I had no idea what was happening. I had a wrinkled shirt and was sweating and anxious. The table was a long rectangle, with room for eight, and beyond Dr. Angelou and Mr. Brown, four other guests joined. Dinner was what you’d expect in North Carolina – a fabulous three-course meal with all the trimmings. Sometime during the main course, Dr. Angelou again asked me, “Mr. Logan, what troubles you?” I knew I needed to answer truthfully after our two-hour walk and talk. I shared with her that I was feeling shameful and hurt by someone who had betrayed me. I didn’t elaborate, but I did say I never dared to confront the person and elected instead to give them another chance, and then another, only to have the same outcome - me being disappointed and too scared to address the issue.
As I shared more of the story, the pause at the table was profound. Everyone stopped talking, and the room went deadly quiet. Almost in unison, everyone looked toward the head of the table where Dr. Angelou sat, awaiting what we all knew was coming – wisdom.
She looked at me and delivered a story, one that was well-known long before this dinner. She began with her famous quote, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” She shared stories from her life and how she learned this lesson, but she wanted me to know one thing about that quote. She told me that the quote she began with was not the full one, and THIS was the story's point. (To be honest, I already knew the quote.) “People edit that quote and remove the most important part – ‘the FIRST time,’” she said with an emphasis I had never noticed. I must have looked confused, like a dog hearing an odd sound, tilting my head to the left, because she went on. “The quote is: Believe them the first time.” She looked at me and said, emphasizing the ’The,’ “the first time.” Her stories surrounded the point, but the message was clear: if someone reveals themselves to you, don’t wait until you see it two, three, or even more times. Believe them the first time.
I felt the shift in my perspective from the wisdom and the clarity in her voice. She pointed out the lesson to me with insight and a slight tone in her voice, “You already knew that.” As the dinner conversation continued around me, I thought about the lesson of how I found myself placing faith in the wrong places after knowing the truth about people. Not cutting off those relationships or, worse, making excuses for those people. I needed to hear this, address the rift, and stop running away from hard conversations.
Shortly after the best-tasting homemade ice cream and pie you can imagine, I went to my room and dozed to sleep.
Morning came with a knock from Mr. Brown, “Breakfast is ready, Dr. Angelou is ready.” I packed my bag quickly and headed upstairs. Walking into the kitchen, it was just the two of us. Pancakes were on offer, and I indulged. The morning questions picked up right where the garden walk had left off, with Dr. Angelou asking about my daughters, life, and upbringing. The more I revealed, the more I had these moments of shame overcome me. Shame and embarrassment of how I was raised, evidence of me avoiding conflict, my abuse, my fast-talking about my career to hide the truth, how I needed to be a better father, person, etc.
She placed her hand on my hand, looked at me, and smiled, clearly wanting my million-mile-an-hour talking to stop. When I did, she calmly said, “When you know better, you do better.” and then repeated, “Mr. Logan, you know, just do better.” Of course, this is the core of another one of her famous quotes.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, you do better.”
My eyes still well up, and I get emotional, thinking about that moment. She saw right through me and knew what I needed to hear. Having her imprinted one of these moments on me, which I will never forget. She signed a few of her children’s books for my daughters, and within moments, the weekend was over just as fast as it started.
Divine is the best word I can muster to describe that weekend. I expected us to discuss her radio show, any books she wrote, and her thoughts on creating more TV shows. Nope, nothing close to work, not even a hint. Flying home from that trip, even reflecting now, I wish I could ask so many questions – most of all, why did she invite me? The answer is obvious now; she knew I needed to hear her sage words.
In 2009, Dr. Angleou was slated to receive a Gracie Award in New York City for her radio show. Her team reached out to me and let me know she wanted me to introduce her at the award ceremony. I was honored, floored, and terrified. What in God's name would I say? I made a few notes and elected to speak from my heart. I simply told the story of my weekend with Dr. Angelou and what my experience had been like meeting her and working alongside her, and then shared one of the countless lessons I gleaned. The speech ended with me talking about my favorite quote, the one that she clarified with me at that dinner table that night. I introduced her and walked off the stage.
Her speech that night was perfect. As she talked, a room of over 300 was still and quiet aspeople were transfixed. Not a plate, fork, glass, or anything made a sound as she spoke - the audience listened with complete rapt attention. It was so quiet, in the video of the speech, you could even hear the air conditioner turn on. She threaded the narrative of communication and being human in a way only she could. She ended with gratitude and her remarkable smile.
When I’m critical of myself and highly judgemental of my past decisions, which have led to many challenges in my personal and professional life, I find solace in her tone and words, and they pull me through. Sitting at that breakfast table, she looked at me with that unforgettable smile and said, “Mr. Logan, when you know better, you do better.” She was correct; I KNOW so much now, and I'm doing so much better today and will be better tomorrow.
I needed those conversations more than anything at that moment, and while I didn’t heed and hear the advice at the time, I do now. I ponder why I didn’t then and why I do now. I have no honest answer other than my ego. My ego didn’t allow me to hear her fully – but I do now, all these years later.
The weekend was so powerful for me; I have often wondered what it would feel like to tell her everything that has transpired since then. Would she be disappointed in me, happy, proud, or what? When I think about it, I see myself in that garden in North Carolina once again, at peace, feeling the light of her wisdom, and I know that she knew then and knows now – knowledge is eternal. She knows that I do know better and am doing better, but I still have a long way to go.
Beautiful story. Such great wisdom... thanks for sharing!
She would be proud💫